Child Parent Relationship WeHaveKids
Family is bond for life. But that may not be true in today’s world. It is very said to know that family estrangements are on the rise just as divorce. And this a very painful reality for both the family and the child affected. This happens when an individual distances himself from this family due to growing negativity in their minds and behavior. And the end result is family isolation and reduced communication.
The reason for an adult child to distance himself from the family might lie in the behavior of one or both the parents. Though it is true that parents love their children and are willing to do everything for them always but sometimes this may not be the case. Adolescence is the age of emotional changes and increased sensitivity. It has to be dealt with by the parents with extreme care and support. But when parents employ behaviors like abuse, betrayal, lack of support and bad parenting, they lose their child forever. Sometimes, drug and alcohol abuse may also be the reason for this distance. And hence children who always need emotional support and care from their parents, cease to have any contact with their parents. This is a very sad reality which often leads to very traumatic circumstances.
The distance between adult children and their parents is very difficult to bear for both the parties. Unlike other relationship estrangements like divorce, where you overcome your emotions and attachment after sometime and learn to move on. But the parent – child bond is the one that cannot be broken even over the course of time. It is the bond that is there since the time we are born. This bind is natural rather than forged. And as compared to other relationships, this bond breakdown follows a very unusual and unpredictable course that happens over a period of time. And this pain is strongly felt throughout the life.
Adult children seldom find any support from their surroundings including extended family members and friends. They are surrounded by people who fail to understand their perspective and their emotions. And people who try to intervene in the reconciliation process fail to understand the perspective of both the parents especially children. They do not make an attempt to find out why things went to such an extent in the first place. And this leads to emotional, physical and mental problems for the children later in life.
What should rather happen is that the children who begin to distance themselves from their families should be helped by professionals. They must be asked about the problems they encountered with one or both their parents and when it all started to get bad. They must have someone they can open up about their emotions and feelings. These children need someone who understands them and addresses their problems from their perspective.
The following are the reasons of family estrangements,
- When children feel that they cannot communicate their problems with their parents effectively because of the careless behavior of the parents. Or when parents do not understand their children and always lecture them. Then this creates a negative communication between them and results in distances.
- The unhealthy communication quality leads to a decrease in communication quantity. Children do not want to talk to their parents because they know they will always get negative responses. Their parents rather than understanding them, will show them cold responses or sometimes abuse them and always disagree with them. They will try to impose their will on their children rather than listening to their new experiences and adventures.
- When parents physically distance themselves from their children due to work pressures or when children have to live with any one of the parent due to divorce; this leads to isolated behaviors in children. They feel that they are not needed by their parents and are not loved, then they start to make excuses to distance themselves from their parents.
- When parents don’t have any emotions for their kids, their children also start to have no emotions at all for their parents. They do not love their parents and ultimately expect no love in return.
- This emotional void then leads to the buildup of negative feelings about the parents in their children. They do not think positively about their parents and choose to forget any happy memories they had with them.
- These children then have no desire left to reconcile with their parents. Because of what they go through, they prefer isolation and estrangement over going back to the environment they left. Even if there is a hope of reconciliation from the other side, the minds of the children are filled with such negative emotions that hinders them from going back.
- Children get the impression that their parents have nothing to offer them. They do not ask them for advice or money or anything. They have such negative expectations for their parents that they feel that they failed in fulfilling their role as a parent for their children.The children finally take a legal action change their last names and end the relationship for themselves.