Sara Bentley
Unveiling the Neurochemistry of Harmony: Navigating the Mother-in-Law Relationship through Neuroscience
The mother-in-law relationship: a dynamic often shrouded in humor, cultural expectations, and, let’s be honest, potential conflict. Navigating this relationship can feel like a tightrope walk, requiring balance, patience, and an understanding of the underlying emotional currents. But what if we could equip ourselves with tools informed by the latest advancements in neuroscience? By peering into the intricate dance of neurons and hormones, we can uncover strategies to foster a more harmonious bond with our significant other’s mother.
Mirroring and the Dance of Oxytocin: Our brains are wired for connection. When we interact with someone we care about, mirror neurons in our brains fire, causing us to subconsciously mimic their facial expressions and gestures. This “mirroring” activates the release of oxytocin, the “love hormone,” enhancing feelings of empathy and trust. The key? Genuine interest and engagement. Actively listen to your mother-in-law, ask thoughtful questions, and show genuine curiosity about her life and experiences. This mirroring not only boosts your oxytocin levels but also triggers its release in hers, paving the way for a warmer, more positive connection.
The Allure of Novelty and the Dopamine Rush: Let’s face it, routine can become monotonous. Novelty, however, sparks the release of dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. Planning shared activities, even small outings or trying new recipes together, can create a fresh and exciting dynamic in your relationship. This, in turn, encourages the release of dopamine in both of you, fostering a sense of shared enjoyment and strengthening the bond.
Navigating Conflict with Cortisol and Serotonin: Disagreements are inevitable. During conflict, cortisol, the stress hormone, takes center stage, increasing anxiety and negativity. However, focusing on calm communication and active listening can stimulate the release of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that promotes emotional regulation and well-being. When interacting with your mother-in-law, remember the power of “we” over “me.” Seek collaborative solutions, acknowledge her perspective, and validate her feelings, even if you disagree. This collaborative approach minimizes cortisol’s negative impact and encourages the calming effects of serotonin, paving the way for productive conflict resolution.
Compassion and the Power of the Empathy Circuit: Seeing things from another’s perspective is crucial in any relationship. The “empathy circuit” in our brains allows us to understand and share the emotions of others. Practicing mindful listening, validating her feelings, and offering support, even when you disagree, activates this circuit. This fosters a sense of understanding and compassion, strengthening the bond and reminding you that beneath the surface, you both share the same goal – the happiness and well-being of your loved one.
Remember, building a positive relationship with your mother-in-law is a journey, not a destination. By understanding the neurochemical dance that unfolds during your interactions, you can equip yourself with powerful tools to navigate challenges, nurture empathy, and build a foundation for a harmonious relationship. So, the next time you see your mother-in-law, take a deep breath, remember the power of your brain’s chemistry, and approach the interaction with an open mind, a warm heart, and a willingness to connect.
Building a Positive Relationship with Your Partner’s Mother:
While every mother-in-law is unique, there are some key principles that can contribute to a strong and supportive relationship. Here are Practical Ways to Win Over Your Mother-in-Law:
1. Cultivate Respect and Courtesy:
Always treat your partner’s mother with respect and courtesy, regardless of personal feelings or disagreements. This includes using considerate language, maintaining good manners, and offering thoughtful gestures.
2. Prioritize Open Communication:
Demonstrate genuine interest in getting to know your partner’s mother as a person. Actively listen to her stories, ask questions about her life, and share your own experiences in a balanced way. Open communication helps foster understanding and connection.
3. Appreciate and Acknowledge:
Express sincere appreciation for her efforts, whether it be hosting a family gathering, offering helpful advice, or simply spending time with you and your partner. Recognition validates her contributions and strengthens the bond.
4. Seek Collaboration and Support:
Show willingness to collaborate and offer support during family events or household tasks. This demonstrates teamwork and a desire to share responsibilities, often appreciated by mothers-in-law.
5. Maintain Positive Communication with Your Partner:
Openly communicate with your partner about your relationship with their mother. Discuss concerns respectfully and work together to navigate any challenges. Remember, your partner can often offer valuable insights and act as a bridge between you two.
6. Build Trust and Respect Boundaries:
Be confident in yourself and your relationship with your partner. Respecting healthy boundaries with your partner’s mother, both emotionally and physically, is crucial for building trust and long-term harmony.
7. Celebrate Shared Values and Interests:
Make an effort to discover shared interests and values with your partner’s mother. Engaging in activities together, whether it’s discussing books, enjoying hobbies, or volunteering for a cause you both care about, can strengthen the bond and create cherished memories.
8. Embrace Individuality and Perspectives:
Recognize that your mother-in-law may have different opinions and perspectives than your own. Embrace her individuality while respectfully expressing your own views. Open-mindedness and acceptance foster better understanding and collaboration.
9. Maintain Patience and Perspective:
Building a strong relationship takes time and effort. Be patient and understanding, recognizing that there may be ups and downs along the way. Focus on consistent positive interactions and genuine gestures of goodwill.
10. Celebrate the Uniqueness of Your Bond:
Remember, every mother-in-law relationship is unique. Approach it with an open mind, a kind heart, and a willingness to build a bond based on mutual respect and understanding.
11. Remember, it’s a two-way street: Invest in the relationship just as you would with any other close friend or family member.
12. Embrace cultural differences: Appreciate her cultural background and traditions, learning about their significance from her perspective.
Types of Mother in Law to Prepare Yourself for:
There are many different types of mothers-in-law and they can vary greatly in terms of personality and behavior. Some examples include:
- The overbearing mother-in-law who is always trying to control and interfere in her child’s life.
- The passive mother-in-law who is not involved in her child’s life and keeps a distance.
- The supportive mother-in-law who is always there to help and give advice.
- The critical mother-in-law who is never satisfied and always finds something to complain about.
- The loving mother-in-law who treats her child’s spouse as one of her own.
It’s important to remember that every mother-in-law is an individual with their own set of values, beliefs and experiences that shape their behavior.
A wedding is one of the happiest events in a couple’s life. But with her husband every woman “gets” and his family. Many are horrified at the thought of having to contact their mother-in-law. But all people are different, and it is important to understand that you can find an approach to any person without using aggressive methods.
All About Mum In Law:
Let’s find out which mother-in-law you have and will approach the problem of your communication.
1. Mother-in-law – Dictator
Such a mother-in-law lives under the motto: “Dominate, dominate, humiliate”. She was used to the fact that everything always goes according to her rules, which she alone sets. Therefore, immediately after the wedding, she begins to establish her own orders in your home.
These mother-in-law are very fond of and are able to create intrigues, and masterfully “put in place.”
Distinctive features of the mother-in-law dictator:
– her own authority above all else, no one else recognizes;
– Each of her phrases begins with the words: “how much I told you …”;
– does not consider it necessary to knock, coming to you, also does not say goodbye when he leaves.
How to get along with such a mother-in-law:
1) It is very difficult, but vital. Get rid of the negativity accumulated in the soul, because the calmer your health will be, the easier it will be to communicate with your husband’s mother.
2) Write down on paper all the actions of your mother-in-law that annoy you. In a calm environment, discuss with your husband all that bothers you. Do not try to put your mother-in-law in a bad light, and yourself in good. Do not use in the conversation phrases like “your mother”, it is better to say “mother.”
Try to say the type “let’s ask my mother to warn us in advance about her arrival, so that she, and we were comfortable.”
3) In communication with the mother-in-law, let her know that you respect and love her, appreciate her advice. Tell her that it would be nice that she warned you in advance about her intention to come. It is necessary politely to let her know that the son is already an adult, and he has his own family.
First time, most likely, she will scandal, perhaps even will be hysterical, but if you are adamant, she will see and understand your cultural attitude and will respect you.
2. The mother-in-law – the spy
As a rule, this is a divorced woman. She does not want to give her blood in your hands, so she will be engaged in even eavesdropping and spying, may arrange surveillance for you to catch a daughter-in-law in something shameful. All that in your pair will cause jealousy and distrust is her weapon.
Distinctive features of mother-in-law-spy:
– He follows you and tells his son where, when and with whom you met;
– likes to make different sets and traps for the “beloved” daughter-in-law.
How to make your mother-in-law fall in love with you:
1) In this case, you need to act in two ways: to convince your husband of your devotion and help your mother-in-law to love you.
2) Such women tend to have a deep sense of loneliness, they do not have a large family, which they always so wanted to have. They do not feel understood, they seem to be deprived. Give her the attention she needs.
3) If you see that her main goal is to divorce you and her husband, then tell your spouse about all the wiles that she is building, give proof. If you can prove it to your husband, then he will go over to your side and begin to treat the actions of your mother with greater caution.
3. The mother-in-law – “Analytical”
This is the most dangerous kind of mother-in-law. Such a mother-in-law thinks: “I fed him, I raised him, I did not sleep at night, he treated his snot, and she came to everything ready and wants to deprive me of everything!”.
Distinctive features of the mother-in-law are:
– likes to say that the mother and son are forever connected by the umbilical cord, and the daughter-in-law is so …;
– she raised a child alone, without the help of her father, fed, washed, watered, and then you appeared. What for?
How can I get my mother-in-law to like me?
1) Remember that for such a mother-in-law you will always be bad, and everything connected with you will be bad too. She will check your closets, watch how you washed things, look for dust on the shelves. She will find fault with it, even if you are an ideal hostess.
2) Try to have a sincere conversation with your husband, even if he is to some extent a mama’s son. Say something like this: “You have a caring and good mother, but we often misunderstand each other, of course you should take care of her, see him, visit, but please, for the sake of general comfort, do it on her territory.”
Saying this, you will present yourself to the husband of a reasonable woman in comparison with the fussy mother-in-law, and will be able to help him not to rush between you two.
How to get along with my mother-in-law
4. Business mother-in-law
To some extent you can be considered a lucky one, because such a mother-in-law is the most neutral type.
Distinctive features of business-in-law:
– for her career in the first place, so you will not bother her;
– “I have enough of my own affairs, I have no time to do yours.”
How to impress mother-in-law:
It’s very easy to get along with such a mother-in-law, however, remember that you should not count on it in matters of help with children or in some other of your affairs.
5. Mother-in-law’s ally
Such a mother-in-law believes that only she can help you to escape from mistakes.
Distinctive features of the mother-in-law of the ally:
– this is the most insidious type of mother-in-law, because she will be your girlfriend exactly until the first quarrel with her husband;
– To her for the joy of intervening in your conflict, imposing your point of view and upsetting family happiness, turning everything upside down.
How to Make Your Mother-in-law Love You Forever:
1) Remember that you must deal with your family problems and conflict situations. Therefore, if you feel pressure from your mother’s mom, openly tell her that you do not want to live by someone else’s mind, but want to stuff your bumps, learn by trial and error, etc.
2) It is not necessary to talk with her in talking to her, that you yourself will understand, this phrase will only set it against you.
6. Whimsical mother-in-law
Such a mother-in-law constantly wails that she did everything for her son, and he is so ungrateful. Such a mother can not move from her place without her son, or go to the polyclinic for food. It’s her style to call you at night and say she’s dying.
And when the son at the speed of light will fly to the rescue, he learns that my mother just has a headache or legs. At the same time, if he only hints about something, he will hear in response thousands of reproaches and reproaches.
Distinctive features of capricious mother-in-law:
– she is a real actress, skillfully plays sick and hysterical;
– favorite phrases in her arsenal: “you’re as selfish as your father”, “you’ll regret when I die!” etc.
How to get along with such a mother-in-law:
1) Blackmail works in all cases only when it is allowed to work, so get clear rules.
2) Tell your mother-in-law that you, for example, can come to her twice a month, bring food, help around the house, etc. But, unfortunately, you do not have more time. Of course, at first she will be offended, but after a while she will see. Try to tell her why you will not be able to visit her more often. Tell her that her husband is tired and that he needs free space.
How to get along with her husband’s mom
7. Forever young mother-in-law
She looks great, and she does not like being called grandmother.
Distinctive features of an eternally young mother-in-law:
– she likes spending money on maintaining her beauty and youth, she looks much younger than her years;
– believes that if she already has grandchildren, then life is over, and she begins to grow old quickly.
How to get along with such a mother-in-law:
As often as possible, make her all kinds of compliments – this is a guarantee of excellent relations between you.
8. Ideal mother-in-law
There are very few of them, but they exist!
Distinctive features of an ideal mother-in-law:
– she gladly takes you into the family;
– in the case of conflict situations with her husband, she takes the part of the blame, because this is her upbringing.
How to get along with such a mother-in-law:
In order for the relationship between you to be good, it is enough not to forget about the mother of your husband, to visit her and show signs of attention.
9. The dense mother-in-law
With such a mother, it’s better not to argue with her husband, because she grew up in a certain era, and you will not be able to re-educate her. It is likely that she does not recognize technical innovations, boils things and starch tablecloths, washes disposable packages and dries them on the balcony, and also does many things that look strange in the modern era.
Distinctive features of a drowsy mother-in-law:
– she is very old-fashioned;
– often he likes to say: “but in our time …”.
How to get along with such a mother-in-law:
Do not argue with her, nod your head during the conversation, without expressing your point of view actively. Just do as you see fit.
10. Mother-in-law is not a real grandmother
She tells you that she has already gone through a difficult path of motherhood, so now she will teach you all the tricks that you would never know if it were not for her. He shows a desire to lead the process of education of grandchildren, but does not take concrete participation.
The distinctive features of a fake grandmother:
– gives a million tips for raising a child, because only she knows the best;
– do not expect real help from her, she does not show a desire to take a walk with the child, take him out of school or kindergarten, her “help” only in words.
What can I do for my mother-in-law to love me?:
1) Gently tell her that you will not follow her instructions, without forgetting to give explanations.
2) If your mother-in-law does not live with you in the same territory, then you can use the technique of hidden failure. Answer her advice, thank her, but in the end, do it your own way.
3) Try to avoid the direct answer more often, answering something like “thank you for advice, I will definitely take note of them, some may use it, because my husband and I must decide together.”
How do you know if your mother-in-law wants you?
- She respects your opinions.
- She wants to know you.
- She doesn’t make comparisons.
- She invites you to family affairs.
- She respects you when you aren’t around.
- She remembers the big stuff.
- She understands your boundaries.
- She’s excited for your future together.
These science based Mother-in-Law Hacks would Turn That Side-Eye into Side-Hug for you. Just practice these steps and let us know your feedback. Here to hear from you 🙂
