Step By Step Guide How to Cope With Being Cheated on
Brief overview of the topic and why it is important to address
- To heal and move on: Dealing with a cheating and lying boyfriend can be emotionally traumatic for the person on the receiving end. Addressing the issue head-on can help the person heal and move on from the hurt and betrayal.
- To gain closure: When a relationship ends due to infidelity and dishonesty, it can be difficult to find closure. Addressing the issue allows the person to understand what happened and why, which can provide closure and help them move on.
- To regain trust: Trust is a crucial component of any relationship, and when it is broken, it can be difficult to regain. Addressing the issue of infidelity and dishonesty can help the person understand why it happened and what steps can be taken to rebuild trust.
- To prevent future occurrences: By addressing the issue and discussing the reasons for the infidelity and dishonesty, the person can work with their partner to prevent future occurrences.
- To set boundaries and expectations: Addressing the issue allows the person to set boundaries and expectations for their relationship, which can help them avoid similar situations in the future.
- To learn from mistakes: Addressing the issue can also be a learning opportunity for the person. They can learn from their mistakes and make sure they don’t repeat them in the future.
The Impact of Cheating and Lying
Cheating and lying can have a significant impact on individuals and relationships. Some potential consequences include:
- Trust issues: When someone cheats or lies, it can be difficult for the person who was deceived to trust them again. This can lead to ongoing mistrust and suspicion in the relationship.
- Emotional pain: Being cheated on or lied to can cause feelings of betrayal, hurt, and anger. It can also lead to self-doubt and insecurity.
- Damage to reputation: Cheating and lying can damage one’s reputation and social standing. It can lead to others viewing the person negatively and potentially losing respect for them.
- Legal consequences: Depending on the situation, cheating and lying may have legal consequences. For example, lying under oath in a court of law is considered perjury and is a criminal offense.
- Relationship breakdown: Cheating and lying can ultimately lead to the breakdown of a relationship. It can be difficult for couples to reconcile after infidelity or dishonesty.
- Decrease in self-esteem: Cheating and lying can make one doubt their own self-worth and abilities leading to decreased self-esteem.
- It is important to note that cheating and lying can also have long-term negative effects on mental and emotional health, leading to depression and other mental health issues. It is always better to be honest and truthful in any relationship and situation.
- How it can affect the emotional and mental well-being of the victim
The potential harm it can cause to the relationship
Dealing with the Initial Shock and Emotions
- Allow yourself to feel the emotions: It is natural to feel a range of emotions when you first find out that your partner has cheated or lied to you. Allow yourself to feel angry, hurt, sad, and betrayed without judging yourself for it.
- Take some time for yourself: Give yourself some space and time to process what has happened. This may mean taking a few days off work or canceling plans with friends.
- Reach out to a trusted friend or family member: Talking to someone you trust can help you process your emotions and gain a different perspective on the situation.
- Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself during this difficult time is important. This may include getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
- Seek professional help: If you are finding it difficult to cope with the emotions you are experiencing, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor. They can provide support and guidance to help you navigate this difficult time.
- Be honest with yourself: It can be tempting to blame yourself for your partner’s actions, but it is important to remember that cheating and lying are not your fault. Be honest with yourself about your feelings and any changes you may want to make in your relationship.
- Give yourself time to heal: Healing from cheating and lying takes time. Be patient with yourself and don’t expect to fully recover overnight.
The importance of taking time to process and grieve
When your partner cheats, it can be a traumatic and devastating experience. It can cause feelings of betrayal, anger, and hurt. It is important to take the time to process and grieve these feelings in order to move forward in a healthy way.
One of the reasons why it is important to take time to process and grieve is that it allows you to fully understand and accept what has happened. This can help you come to terms with the situation and move on in a more positive way.
Another reason why it is important to take time to process and grieve is that it allows you to heal from the emotional pain that cheating can cause. This can include dealing with feelings of anger, hurt, and betrayal. It can also include dealing with the sense of loss and rejection that can come with a cheating partner.
Additionally, taking time to process and grieve can also help you to regain your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. After a partner cheats, it can be easy to question your own worth and feel like you are not good enough. Taking the time to process and grieve can help you to realize that the cheating was not a reflection of you, but rather a reflection of the cheater.
Overall, taking the time to process and grieve when your partner cheats is essential for healing, moving forward, and regaining a sense of self-worth. It is important to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist in order to navigate this difficult time.
The need for self-care and self-compassion
It is important to take care of yourself and practice self-compassion during this difficult time.
Self-care involves taking actions to support your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include things like getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. It can also include seeking professional help, such as counseling or therapy, to work through your feelings and cope with the trauma of betrayal.
Self-compassion involves being kind and understanding towards yourself, rather than being harsh and critical. This means acknowledging and accepting your feelings, rather than trying to suppress or ignore them. It also means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend who is going through a difficult time.
It is important to remember that healing takes time and that it is okay to grieve the loss of your relationship. Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions, and remember that it is not your fault that your partner cheated. Practice self-care and self-compassion as you navigate this difficult time and work towards healing and moving forward.
Communicating with Your Husband Or Boyfriend
Clear and open communication is essential when a partner cheats. It allows both parties to express their feelings, concerns, and expectations in a healthy and respectful manner. Without clear communication, misunderstandings and false assumptions can easily arise, leading to further hurt and mistrust.
Open communication also allows for the opportunity for the cheater to fully take responsibility for their actions and for the cheated partner to understand the reasons behind the infidelity. It also allows for the possibility of rebuilding trust and working towards forgiveness and healing.
Clear communication also helps in setting boundaries and expectations for the future of the relationship. The cheated partner needs to know what to expect and what will be done to prevent future infidelities. This helps in rebuilding trust and regaining a sense of security in the relationship.
Additionally, clear communication allows for the possibility of seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, to work through the trauma caused by infidelity.
In short, clear and open communication is crucial in addressing the issue of infidelity and working towards healing and rebuilding the relationship.
Deciding on the Future of the Relationship
The decision to stay or leave the relationship ?
Factors to consider when making this decision?
- The nature of the infidelity: Was it a one-time mistake or a pattern of behavior?
- The level of remorse and willingness to change on the part of your partner.
- The level of trust and intimacy that existed in the relationship prior to the infidelity.
- Your own feelings and needs, including your ability to forgive and move forward.
- The potential impact on any children or family members involved.
- The level of support and guidance you have from friends, family, or a therapist.
- Your ability to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about the situation and your feelings.
- The overall health and well-being of the relationship and whether or not it is worth saving.
- The importance of forgiveness and letting go of resentment
- The need to rebuild trust and work on rebuilding the relationship
- The importance of self-growth and personal development
Forgiveness and letting go of resentment are crucial in the healing process after a partner cheats. Holding onto resentment and anger can lead to a toxic and unhealthy relationship, causing ongoing emotional pain and stress for both partners. It can also prevent the relationship from moving forward and healing.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, can bring a sense of peace and closure to the situation. It allows both partners to move on from the hurt and betrayal and work towards rebuilding trust and intimacy in the relationship. It also allows the person who was cheated on to let go of the pain and negative emotions associated with the infidelity.
Additionally, forgiveness can also be beneficial for the person who cheated. It allows them to take responsibility for their actions and make amends for their behavior. It also allows them to move on from the guilt and shame associated with their actions.
In order for forgiveness and healing to take place, both partners must be willing to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings and needs. It’s also important for both partners to be committed to working through the issues and rebuilding trust in the relationship.
Ultimately, forgiveness and letting go of resentment is not about excusing or forgetting the infidelity, but rather about finding a way to move forward and create a stronger and healthier relationship in the future.
There are 3 rules in relationships. Don’t lie, don’t cheat and don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Infidelity is one of the difficult challenges in society that couples face after successful relationship and around 40% of married partners affected by this issue. 23% of men admit to having cheated on their partner and around 19% of women have admitted cheating. 32% of men who cheated met the person online through social media or dating service and 22% of the women who cheated met the person in a social setting like bar or party. Those are all the stats those are all the facts.
We are going to dig down “Cheating on spouse” problem by getting opinion of affected wives, their life stories and then expert suggestions with psychological facts about cheating.
Following are main queries for which we are going to get specialist opinion:
- What are the reasons of husband cheating ?
- What to do when your husband cheats and lies ?
- How to deal with this situation ?
- Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating ?
First of all understand this
“Cheating is always a choice never a mistake”
Alcohol is not an excuse to cheat , distance is not a reason to cheat, college is not an excuse to cheat and temptation is not an excuse to cheat. No excuse is acceptable.
Here is a real life story of one wife who shared with us. She also shared how other wives responded to her call for suggestion on husband cheating.
So I don’t know if I can share this here, so please take it down if I can’t but I could really use some wisdom from you mamas.
Less than 24 hours before my baby was born I found out that my partner had cheated on me. It was a year long process of him looking for some specific experiences and trying to find people that would offer that. When he found someone they spent time together several times over the course of six months. Their relationship was strictly physical and no emotional involvement. As soon as I found out he broke it off, has been incredibly remorseful and begun to change his life around. He went to a conference on finding your identify and becoming who you want to be, he has been going to therapy, been reading a marriage book and shifted completely how he operates around the house and in our relationship. He keeps telling me he wants our marriage and family and that his choice to cheat was not because of us or me it was him acting out a selfish desire, and something he no longer wants. So now I’m left with what do I do? At the advice of my therapist I gave myself 6 months to make a decision so I could be clear minded and not overly hormonal; I have two months left in that timeline and still no plan for what to do. I am a person of faith and am struggling to discern His/Her will. On the one hand I feel like how could I ever trust him again and on the other I feel like just because he broke his vow doesn’t mean I should break mine and now we have a child together. To top it off, he isn’t a bad person, and I will never hate him no matter where we end up.
Wives and Girlfriends Response:
1- I don’t know what I’m asking ladies, just I guess if you have any advice, insight, experience that you would be willing to share. I know anything I decide will forever change my sons life along with my own so I can’t make the decision lightly.
I have been through something similar. And we will be married 19 years this December. That’s the good part.
But what I wished I’d known is that even in trying to maintain our relationship, I still feel less than. And so does he. I love him and he loves me. But it felt awful, and for many years it was a thing I held over him. There are scars in our relationship.
You will both need therapy and I don’t know whether staying is right for you. But I wanted you to know it can be done.
2- 6 months probably not enough to not be hormonal? Maybe a year instead of 6 months.
About vow – they only have the value that you decide to give them, they are not a prison.
In my opinion , when someone cheats they will likely do it again. But everyone and every case is different.
If you don’t know what to do yet, wait. There is no hurry.
3- I think people deserve second chances, but never a third. If you feel in your heart that he’s trying to be a good man to you and your child, I do believe a person can be forgiven. If he does it again then he truly doesn’t want to change, and there is nothing you can do for him that he won’t do for himself. Lots of hugs and positive vibes.
4- That is such a personal decision…it is hard to weigh in. You know his follow through better than anyone. Just make sure you both get tested for STDs. I am so sorry he hurt you, and I hope he does not fall into that again. If you are not too resentful, I think you have a chance of not letting this completely end your marriage. I am the resentful type and would majorly struggle not to use this as a weapon throughout my marriage. Trust is always a gamble, and I hope he can honor his vows from now on and no longer has any interest to engage in infidelity of any kind from now on.
5- I think the 6 months is the minimal time to make a decision, so maybe don’t put pressure on yourself to make a decision by a certain date. Make the decision when you are ready to.
6- I’m so sorry. About a year ago my husband and I went through something. Only him, my mom and I know. He didn’t physically or emotionally cheat but was being influenced at work to fit in with the wrong group and be an ass. It still hurt me that he could of taken a step and cheated. Our son had just turned one. We have learned so much and are doing better. But I would walk away if something happened again. I believe in second chances. We have been together for ten years, married four. Give yourself time. The trust thing takes time. Don’t beat yourself up if you give him a second chance but trust doesn’t come right away.
7- Marriages survive infidelity all the time. I think good people do make bad choices.
The hard part is deciding if you can ever not use it as ammo against him.
If you think you can, then stay. If not, then leave.
It’s not fair to either of you to be trapped in a blame cycle.
8- When people show you who they are, believe them. He’s someone who during your pregnancy decided to look for physical intimacy elsewhere. The question is – what are your values? Is physical betrayal something you can live with? Do you feel like you can trust him again? If this happened to your child ie they were married and their partner behaved like yours – what would you advise them to do? You are in a very challenging and difficult situation and I’m sorry you are going through it. I hope you’ll do lots of therapy and get help for yourself and your child and decide on what’s best for yourself and your child first.
9- With the caveat in place that I don’t know you or your husband and therefore lack a ton of information.I think that the decision would potentially be very different if you didn’t share a child. I’ve watched friends even in non-contentious splits have a very difficult time raising the kids. You simply lose control over the child for a certain percentage of the time no matter what you do. As your child ages, sports and school and play dates are all parceled out, and if the co-parents don’t agree, it can be stressful. I’ve heard it said that divorce is like falling off a cliff, but you don’t know how high the cliff is. If he’s making a genuine effort, it may very well behoove you to stay the course for now.
10- This specific experience he was looking for, is this something you would want to do with him in the bedroom or something that you would not do? It is not your fault by any means that he did this, that is not why I am asking, I am asking because it would help me decide what to do if I were in your situation. If this is something I did not want to do in the bedroom I may be more inclined to forgive and forget, but I would also be asking him if he can live without these specific experiences because I would be worried that he would do it again later down the line. It’s up to you and what you can handle. During these 4 months, have you been building trust back? Have you been resentful?
11- First off, I’m truly sorry you are going through this. This is the LAST thing you need after having a child. I have been through this myself. Except we didn’t have children. It’s truly a difficult decision. I would definitely give it more time because of hormones, especially if you’re breastfeeding. I’d say at least a good year. From my perspective, I tried. I gave him another chance but I COULDN’T trust him again, no matter what He did. Every little thing I was questioning or worried about. I couldn’t live that way. I was also bringing it up in arguments. Even though he deserved everything I said, it wasn’t a healthy marriage. I filed for divorce and actually ended up remarrying the BEST man in the world and now have a child with him. My life is a million times better. BUT, that’s me. Not everyone chooses that path. You have to do what is best for you and your child. I really wish you the best of luck. If you need to vent or anything, please feel free to contact me anytime
12- You can always break later. So if now you feel better with him – stay together. If at any point of time you change your mind – you can leave him any time.
I would stay and see what happens.
See this is the response from society or other mums suggestions on the request of infidelity affected mom.
Now Let’s see what relationship experts and psychological specialist advice us here:
Study shows there are 77 reasons why people cheat here are 10 most common reasons of infidelity mentioned in the Info-graphics:
Here are the Tips in infographics for coping when your husband or boyfriend is unfaithful
- Should You Give a Cheating Spouse a Second Chance?
- What to do when my husband cheated on me and i still love him ?
- Should you stay married after infidelity ?
- Can a relationship be saved after cheating ?
- Why i stayed with my cheating husband ?
So experts suggest that cheating husbands should be given 2nd chance.As its by default potential relationship spoiler for both since start of the world so Married life should not be easily given up.Yes it is also proven that relationship can be saved after cheating.For that seeking expert counseling is must.There is also a great percentage of couples who stay together after cheating.Now at the end If you have started making up your mind about staying together after infidelity and deciding not to divorce,then the next phase would be
Here is complete step-by-step info graphical guide to help you out in re-establishing even better marital relationship.
There are 4 basic rules in a successful relationship.
-Respect each other
-Don’t make promises you can’t keep
Overall, the most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. There is help and support available to you, and you deserve to be happy and loved in a healthy and honest relationship.
We wish you best of luck in establishing healthy and beautiful relationship