Infidelity is one of the difficult challenges in society that couples face after successful relationship and around 40% of married partners affected by this issue.
We are going to dig down “Cheating on spouse” problem by getting opinion of affected wives, their life stories and then expert suggestions with psychological facts about cheating.
Following are main queries for which we are going to get specialist opinion:
- What are the reasons of husband cheating ?
- What to do when your husband cheats and lies ?
- How to deal with this situation ?
- Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating ?
Here is a real life story of one wife who shared with us. She also shared how other wives responded to her call for suggestion on husband cheating.
So I don’t know if I can share this here, so please take it down if I can’t but I could really use some wisdom from you mamas.
Less than 24 hours before my baby was born I found out that my partner had cheated on me. It was a year long process of him looking for some specific experiences and trying to find people that would offer that. When he found someone they spent time together several times over the course of six months. Their relationship was strictly physical and no emotional involvement. As soon as I found out he broke it off, has been incredibly remorseful and begun to change his life around. He went to a conference on finding your identify and becoming who you want to be, he has been going to therapy, been reading a marriage book and shifted completely how he operates around the house and in our relationship. He keeps telling me he wants our marriage and family and that his choice to cheat was not because of us or me it was him acting out a selfish desire, and something he no longer wants. So now I’m left with what do I do? At the advice of my therapist I gave myself 6 months to make a decision so I could be clear minded and not overly hormonal; I have two months left in that timeline and still no plan for what to do. I am a person of faith and am struggling to discern His/Her will. On the one hand I feel like how could I ever trust him again and on the other I feel like just because he broke his vow doesn’t mean I should break mine and now we have a child together. To top it off, he isn’t a bad person, and I will never hate him no matter where we end up.
1- I don’t know what I’m asking ladies, just I guess if you have any advice, insight, experience that you would be willing to share. I know anything I decide will forever change my sons life along with my own so I can’t make the decision lightly.
I have been through something similar. And we will be married 19 years this December. That’s the good part.
But what I wished I’d known is that even in trying to maintain our relationship, I still feel less than. And so does he. I love him and he loves me. But it felt awful, and for many years it was a thing I held over him. There are scars in our relationship.
You will both need therapy and I don’t know whether staying is right for you. But I wanted you to know it can be done.
2- 6 months probably not enough to not be hormonal? Maybe a year instead of 6 months.
About vow – they only have the value that you decide to give them, they are not a prison.
In my opinion , when someone cheats they will likely do it again. But everyone and every case is different.
If you don’t know what to do yet, wait. There is no hurry.
3- I think people deserve second chances, but never a third. If you feel in your heart that he’s trying to be a good man to you and your child, I do believe a person can be forgiven. If he does it again then he truly doesn’t want to change, and there is nothing you can do for him that he won’t do for himself. Lots of hugs and positive vibes.
4- That is such a personal decision…it is hard to weigh in. You know his follow through better than anyone. Just make sure you both get tested for STDs. I am so sorry he hurt you, and I hope he does not fall into that again. If you are not too resentful, I think you have a chance of not letting this completely end your marriage. I am the resentful type and would majorly struggle not to use this as a weapon throughout my marriage. Trust is always a gamble, and I hope he can honor his vows from now on and no longer has any interest to engage in infidelity of any kind from now on.
5- I think the 6 months is the minimal time to make a decision, so maybe don’t put pressure on yourself to make a decision by a certain date. Make the decision when you are ready to.
6- I’m so sorry. About a year ago my husband and I went through something. Only him, my mom and I know. He didn’t physically or emotionally cheat but was being influenced at work to fit in with the wrong group and be an ass. It still hurt me that he could of taken a step and cheated. Our son had just turned one. We have learned so much and are doing better. But I would walk away if something happened again. I believe in second chances. We have been together for ten years, married four. Give yourself time. The trust thing takes time. Don’t beat yourself up if you give him a second chance but trust doesn’t come right away.
7- Marriages survive infidelity all the time. I think good people do make bad choices.
The hard part is deciding if you can ever not use it as ammo against him.
If you think you can, then stay. If not, then leave.
It’s not fair to either of you to be trapped in a blame cycle.
8- When people show you who they are, believe them. He’s someone who during your pregnancy decided to look for physical intimacy elsewhere. The question is – what are your values? Is physical betrayal something you can live with? Do you feel like you can trust him again? If this happened to your child ie they were married and their partner behaved like yours – what would you advise them to do? You are in a very challenging and difficult situation and I’m sorry you are going through it. I hope you’ll do lots of therapy and get help for yourself and your child and decide on what’s best for yourself and your child first.
9- With the caveat in place that I don’t know you or your husband and therefore lack a ton of information.I think that the decision would potentially be very different if you didn’t share a child. I’ve watched friends even in non-contentious splits have a very difficult time raising the kids. You simply lose control over the child for a certain percentage of the time no matter what you do. As your child ages, sports and school and play dates are all parceled out, and if the co-parents don’t agree, it can be stressful. I’ve heard it said that divorce is like falling off a cliff, but you don’t know how high the cliff is. If he’s making a genuine effort, it may very well behoove you to stay the course for now.
10- This specific experience he was looking for, is this something you would want to do with him in the bedroom or something that you would not do? It is not your fault by any means that he did this, that is not why I am asking, I am asking because it would help me decide what to do if I were in your situation. If this is something I did not want to do in the bedroom I may be more inclined to forgive and forget, but I would also be asking him if he can live without these specific experiences because I would be worried that he would do it again later down the line. It’s up to you and what you can handle. During these 4 months, have you been building trust back? Have you been resentful?
11- First off, I’m truly sorry you are going through this. This is the LAST thing you need after having a child. I have been through this myself. Except we didn’t have children. It’s truly a difficult decision. I would definitely give it more time because of hormones, especially if you’re breastfeeding. I’d say at least a good year. From my perspective, I tried. I gave him another chance but I COULDN’T trust him again, no matter what He did. Every little thing I was questioning or worried about. I couldn’t live that way. I was also bringing it up in arguments. Even though he deserved everything I said, it wasn’t a healthy marriage. I filed for divorce and actually ended up remarrying the BEST man in the world and now have a child with him. My life is a million times better. BUT, that’s me. Not everyone chooses that path. You have to do what is best for you and your child. I really wish you the best of luck. If you need to vent or anything, please feel free to contact me anytime
12- You can always break later. So if now you feel better with him – stay together. If at any point of time you change your mind – you can leave him any time.
I would stay and see what happens.
See this is the response from society or other mums suggestions on the request of infidelity affected mom.
Now Let’s see what relationship experts and psychological specialist advice us here:
10 common reasons of infidelity are mentioned in the Info-graphics:
Here are the Tips in infographics for coping when your husband or boyfriend is unfaithful
- Should You Give a Cheating Spouse a Second Chance?
- What to do when my husband cheated on me and i still love him ?
- Should you stay married after infidelity ?
- Can a relationship be saved after cheating ?
- Why i stayed with my cheating husband ?
So experts suggest that cheating husbands should be given 2nd chance.As its by default potential relationship spoiler for both since start of the world so Married life should not be easily given up.Yes it is also proven that relationship can be saved after cheating.For that seeking expert counseling is must.There is also a great percentage of couples who stay together after cheating.Now at the end If you have started making up your mind about staying together after infidelity and deciding not to divorce,then the next phase would be
Here is complete step-by-step info graphical guide to help you out in re-establishing even better marital relationship.
We wish you best of luck in establishing healthy and beautiful relationship