Mother Daughter Relationships Gone Bad
It is true to say that like the mother, so is daughter. The behavior of the mother unknowingly affects that of the daughter. Even of the daughter disagrees with the mother at some points, she will eventually do what her mother did in a given situation.
It is observed that mothers who have a dominating or combative style, create in their daughters a disconnection from their feelings, they hide their feelings and emotions because they know that their look of fear will activate the combative nature of their mother. Such daughters therefore try their best to stay out of the sight if their mother by suppressing their emotions. On the other hand, mothers who are unresponsive to their daughters and have a dismissive attitude at home will likely have daughters who will do whatever it takes to get their mother’s attention. This also includes indulging in negative activities and self-destructive attitudes. They want acknowledgement from their mother and for this they will go to every extent. Mothers who are very controlling, often have daughters who are unable to make their voices heard. They are unable to make their life’s decisions or any decision at all because they are used to always taking directives from their mother. They are told what’s best for them and what’s not and this makes them believe that they will always fail in their loves if their mother is not there to choose for them. Women who possess narcissist traits, have daughters who lose sight of themselves. They are always known among people for what their mother do rather than what they do themselves. Mothers who are emotionally unavailable for their daughters, have to bear with a daughter who is always confused and does not develop the ability to make the right choices in life. Mothers who are over attached to their daughters, develop in their daughters no sense of themselves. They are emotionally void and deprived of social exposure. They fail to explore the world themselves.
The type of childhood you had greatly affects the type of life you will have later on. If you have a good childhood, you will have a fulfilling life. If you have a bad childhood, you will have problems with your life that will be hard to deal with. You will be an emotionally detached person with no sense of right or wrong. Whereas children who are allowed to grow emotionally in their childhood, are better able to deal with negative circumstances in their lives.
How to heal mother daughter relationship especially for mom of a teenage girl.
There are following things that mothers should do to create healthy mother daughter relationships,
- Show empathetic behavior to your daughter. Create an understanding of her needs from infancy. Develop intimate interactions with her from childhood. Tell her of your experiences and listen to her. Ask her about her likes and dislikes. And make sure to give her a little bit independence to make her own choices and decisions. Supervise her where she is wrong and guide her where she may fumble. But do not have a commanding or bossy attitude with her.
- Give her the due space and independence. She must be aware of her own needs. Do set boundaries and then let her explore the limits herself. Understanding of boundaries is a sign of a healthy relationship. Be always available for your daughter but avoid getting too attached.
- Tell her that she is the best version of herself. Try to polish her skills rather than changing her according to your ideals. She must be who she is otherwise she will face a dangerous identity dis order and will hate herself for who she is. You do not have to do that. Set rules for her and guide her. Do not shame her in front of others. Develop in her self- acceptance and make her admit her successes and failures.
- Stay away from verbal abuse. Do not target her looks, personality, her sense of style. Stay away from over criticizing your daughter. Cut the bad habit of always highlighting her bad habits especially in front of others. This can lead to setbacks and failures in life as well as personality disorder.
- Recognize the needs and wants of your child. Do not be authoritarian or controlling. Let her choices be open to discussion. Do not make her feel unloved and do not project her needs and desires yourself.
- As a mother you are sure to lose your temper when your daughter makes a mistake. But take responsibility of her bad judgement and miss-steps. If she is aware of her mistake, let her realize the importance of apology. Stay away from blame game. Love her unconditionally.